Finding Harmony When...You Become an Empty-Nester
Posted by Customer Care on
/7439e07e05274f30a238adfcff7e9eed/beverage-cafe-caffeine-1260599.jpg)
Q: Now that my child is off to college, I feel adrift. Everything in my life feels completely off-balance and I am stuck. How can I begin to feel good again?
A: Change is difficult. It is important to accept that simple premise before attempting to re-balance your life. Life’s transitions can unleash a host of emotions from fatigue to fear to anxiety to grief. It is important to be kind to yourself as you navigate these swirling emotions. “I researched transitions and learned they are not inherently difficult or easy,” says Daniela Loose, On Parenting Columnist (TheWashington Post). “It just depends on our mind-set. Accepting that change is a part of life and viewing it as a challenge rather than a threat can help us navigate transitions and grow from them.”
As we begin to accept our swirling emotions without judgement, we can begin to look forward to the challenge and possibilities this new stage in life can bring. According to Jeffrey Arnett, a developmental psychologist and the author of the book “Getting to 30.” (NewYork Times), “Parents really do grieve, but there is also an upside to your kids moving into this new stage of life, a real sense of freedom for the parents.”
From a practical standpoint, try these 3 steps to regain harmony and balance:
1. Let Go.
Made up of two simple words, “let go” appears like the easiest of aspirations. It may in fact be the hardest. Many women spend decades feverishly working to manage everything around them. From family schedules to general expectations, micromanagement creates a sense of control. Perceived control over the emotional and physical safety of our children and family members often gives us a strong sense of purpose. Now that your nest is empty, the fear and worry about your child(ren)’s well-being may feel overwhelming. You can re-balance your life by letting go, just a little bit at a time. Check in one less time a week. Every other time wait for them to contact you first. Take a walk each time you find yourself pre-occupied with worry. And, remind yourself often that you did a wonderful job raising a competent adult who you can now watch flourish.
2. Embrace Freedom.
When was the last time that you didn’t have to plan your schedule around others’ needs? To start, try letting just one day take you where it will. Throughout the day, be mindful and connect with your emotions about each decision or non-decision. Staying connected with your feelings will help you recognize the positive aspects of your newly found freedom. As you discover the joy that comes with prioritizing your own needs and wishes you can begin to embrace the freedom that comes with an empty nest.
3. Find or Re-Ignite a Passion.
When your nest empties, the extra free time can exacerbate your feelings of loneliness. Many women over 40, or transitioning to an empty next, find themselves questioning their purpose in life. Rather than sinking deeper in these limiting feelings, now is a great time to occupy your mind--and time--by finding or re-igniting a passion. Search for inspiration in things you loved to do when you were younger. Check something off your bucket list. Expect some trial and error as you get involved with new activities. Along the way, you are sure to discover new things about yourself and make new friends.