Finding Harmony When...You Have Bad News
Posted by Customer Care on
Whether it is with a family member, co-worker, acquaintance or lifelong friend, it is never easy to share bad news. When preparing to share bad news you might feel anxious, fearful, even physically ill. Part of the reason is because we are biologically programmed to escalate bad news in our minds.
According to researcher and social psychologist Roy Baumeister, “It is evolutionarily adaptive for bad to be stronger than good. Survival requires urgent attention to possible bad outcomes but is less urgent with regard to good ones.” (Entrepreneur). In other words, at our basest instincts, we are more likely to have immediate and escalated reactions to bad news. That can cause a lot of worry for the person delivering the news.
Because of this, it is important that you have a solid plan in place for delivering bad news. This will help support a good outcome and hopefully keep your relationship in harmony. Here are a few tips:
- Do it quickly and with full disclosure. It is important that we share bad news quickly and give complete information. A delay or evasion can exacerbate the exchange. “More information is always better than less,” says Simon Sinek, motivational speaker and author of New York Times bestselling book Start With Why (BrainyQuote.com). “When people know the reason things are happening, even if it's bad news, they can adjust their expectations and react accordingly. Keeping people in the dark only serves to stir negative emotions.”
- In person. As hard as it might be, deliver the news in person. The exchange is likely to be emotional, and delivering it over text, email, or even voice mail is unfair to the receiver. An in person exchange also eliminates the possibility of misunderstanding. Tone can be perceived in unintended ways with a digital or distance-based delivery method.
- Safe space. Plan a safe space for the exchange. This is for both you and your friend. It might seem easier to share difficult news in a public place. Some people believe a public forum will force a more subdued response. Be kind and find a place where you can both feel comfortable and be open with each other.
- Be direct. According to a study published by IEEE, when it comes to receiving bad news most people prefer directness with little to no preamble. Plan your delivery in advance and be direct but polite.
- Show empathy. Just as important as the delivery of the news itself, is your support to your friend afterwards. Make sure you allow them to process the news and have a reaction. Follow that with empathy. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would feel if you were on the receiving end of bad news. An empathetic mindset allows you to put your friend’s needs first and support them through this difficult time without angering them.
This will not be an easy, breezy conversation, but if you plan appropriately and are sincere in your delivery and follow up, the sharing of bad news might even make your friendship stronger. Good luck.